


Earth Tales

by Yellow_Topaz (ObakeAri)



Series: To Be a Quartz [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Diamond - Freeform, F/F, JASPER AND KATHY ARE IN LESBIAN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, JASPER IS THE ULTIMATE MOM AND YOU KNOW IT, Jasper Diamond and Onyx celebrate many holidays together, Jasper buys a car, Jasper cuddles with Kathy, Jasper learns to drive, Mom Jasper, THEY DESERVE HAPPINESS OKAY, as if the main storyline isn't fluff-filled enough, literally these are just random side stories that come to mind while writing My Diamond, onyx - Freeform, there are many slice of life side stories to be written
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 16:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8585602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObakeAri/pseuds/Yellow_Topaz
Summary: A day in the life of the Quartz family. 
AKA: Jasper's mom adventure continues with random side stories





	1. How Jasper Got Her Driver's License

Jasper followed the social worker nervously around the house as he inspected it for well over two hours. He inspected the nursery, the living spaces, Diamond’s room, her room, every nook and cranny of the house that he had been through time and time again. 

“Well, as usual everything is perfect, Jasper,” Kevin noted with a smile. “It looks like Onyx is going to have one of the warmest welcomes I have ever seen. The only thing I have left to see is the vehicle you drive.”

Somewhere in Jasper’s mind, everything came to a screeching halt.

“The what?” she asked.

“The vehicle,” Kevin repeated. “You know, your car?”

“Oh right,” Jasper said, fighting to maintain bravado. Clods, she didn’t even have a license. Did she actually need that? That wasn’t an issue for Diamond! “Actually, Kevin, I don’t own a car.”

“Oh!” Kevin raised his brows, looking down at his clipboard. “That’s right, I forget that you and Diamond walk everywhere.”

“Do I need to get a car?” Jasper asked.

“Well, it’s recommended,” Kevin noted. “It just helps with general transportation, especially with multiple kids in tow. Just know that with cars you need proper child seats.”

“Okay,” Jasper heaved a sigh. “Well, I can get a car no problem.”

“Okay, cool,” Kevin nodded. “Well, I’ll be back in a few weeks to make sure you have all the safety features you need. Would you like a list of recommendations?”

“Yes please,” Jasper said.

They discussed a few more minutes until Kevin left and as soon as the door closed Jasper screamed in panic:

“DIAMOOOOOOOND!” 

Diamond came scrambling down the stairs so fast they lost their footing and rolled down the last three. 

“What!?” they shrieked.

“I need my driver’s license!”

Diamond’s expression flattened into a blank stare, “Why?”

“Onyx!” Jasper threw her hands in the air. “He’s a baby! Babies go in cars!”

“Noooo they don’t,” Diamond shrugged. “Babies are too small to drive.”

“Well!” Jasper stammered. “I-I-Kevin...Ugh, I told Kevin that I would get a car!”

Diamond’s eyes lit up at that, “What? Mom! Why would you lie!?”

“I don’t get this earth stuff yet, Diamond!”

“You were  _ born _ on earth, Mom!”

“That doesn’t mean I know how humans work!”

“Uggggh,” Diamond reclined against the stairs, covering their face. “Moooom.”

“Oh come on, Diamond,” Jasper barked. “I’m still working on this human stuff. And Onyx is a  _ baby _ . He is literally the  _ tiniest human _ I have ever seen! I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“That’s reassuring,” Diamond quipped.

“Diamond, I’m trying! I really am!”

“I’m just teasing!” Diamond laughed, rising to their feet. “Well, Pearl knows how to drive, she could teach you.”

Jasper grunted in defiance. But as much as she resisted...that was ultimately how she got roped into sitting in the driver’s seat of Greg’s van (“I’d lend you the Dondai but apparently it got stolen when Pearl took Amethyst and Steven to a concert.” “Dad, that was several years ago.” “It was such a good car…”) with Pearl in the passenger seat and Diamond in the back.

“Diamond, should you be here?” Jasper asked nervously, looking at them through the rear view mirror. 

Diamond shrugged, “I just really want to see how this pans out.”

“Thanks,” Jasper groaned.

“I love you!”

“Uh-huh,” the quartz rolled her eyes, fixating her eyes back on the road. 

“Okay, Jasper,” Pearl intoned, “if you could just put your foot on the accelerator--”

“No.”

“Jasper, you need to apply the accelerator.”

“Nope.”

“Jasper you have to go faster than three miles per hour if you’re going to pass the driving test--”

“I AM ONE OF HOMEWORLD’S HIGHEST RANKED QUARTZES I CAN DRIVE AS FAST AS I PLEASE.”

Pearl recoiled at the quartz’s outburst, and in the back of her mind, Jasper felt bad for yelling. But she also didn’t care as much as she should have in that moment.

“Mom,” Diamond spoke up, leaning forward so that their face was in between the two front seats. “You won’t run your foot through the floorboard, it’s made of steel.”

Jasper drummed her fingers against the steering wheel in contemplation and she slowly inched her foot over to the accelerator (well, as best as she could with her knees practically to her chest). 

Annnnd she pressed the accelerator way too hard. The car lurched forward so fast that before Jasper had processed that she was slamming on the break her foot did in fact go clear through the floorboard. 

She wasn’t sure what exactly came out of her mouth after that, but she was pretty certain it contained language that she did not want her twelve-year-old diamond being exposed to. 

“It’s okay! I know how to fix that!” Pearl laughed nervously. “I might have to cancel my date tonight...but that break will be good as new in no time! Greg won’t even know the difference!” 

Pearl did miss her date and when they finally returned the van Greg almost immediately called them back to ask if Jasper had had any trouble with the brakes since they seemed to be acting up on him. 

Needless to say, after Diamond had finally gone to bed that night Jasper wound up lying face-first on the ground moaning for most of the night.

“This isn’t going to work,” she groaned for the ninetieth time. 

“Oh Jasper, don’t be ridiculous,” Pearl scoffed. “That’s what you said the last time! And it worked out fine. Why do you even need to know how to drive though in the first place? It seems more dangerous than walking, especially with a baby…”

“The social worker said it was recommended,” Jasper whined. “And I told him I had my license.”

“Oh, I see,” Pearl intoned. “You lied and dug a hole for yourself.” 

Jasper moaned in response. 

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Sheena offered. How she and Pearl decided that their “make-up date” would be at  _ her _ house, the quartz did not know, but even the pink-haired human was starting to fall asleep with how late it was getting. “Jasper, you could just tell him that you misunderstood and don’t actually have your license, that’s not required for adoption.”

“Trust me, I tried to tell her this earlier,” Pearl groaned as Jasper lifted her head to shout back, “And damage my pride!? No thank you. I’m a quartz and quartzes don’t resort to cheap tactics and cheating to weasel our way around the system, like--like--”

“Like a Crystal Gem?” Pearl rolled her eyes. 

“Exactly!” Jasper spat back, took a minute to process where in the universe she was in her life, and rested her head back on the ground in despair. “Clods almighty.”

Sheena snorted with laughter at that, “Look at how far you’ve come!”

“Shut up.”

“Well, cheap tactics aren’t all bad once you get used to them!” Pearl chuckled. “How do you think Garnet and I took down that entire quartz army?”

“You woke half of us up before we could emerge properly, that’s how! You blasted renegade!”

“Well it was poof or be poofed!”

“I’m not saying it wasn’t, I’m just saying you cheated!”

“You still took out me and seven other gems in one go before you could even summon your helmet, so I don’t know why you’re complaining!”

“Oh my god, you two sound like my grandparents,” Sheena mused with her head in her hands. “I am dating a literal old person.”

“You should’ve figured that one out when she suggested going to Bingo night at the senior center,” Jasper quipped, only to be met with a loud smack to the shoulder. 

“They had good prizes!”

“Like the puzzle set?”

“Yes!”

“Hey, it’s cool,” Sheena laughed. “I knew what I was setting myself up for when she suggested the antique mall for our first date.”

“I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HUMANS LIKED!” Pearl squawked loudly, stealing a pillow from her couch and hiding her face behind it. Sheena merely snorted with laughter and patted the small gem on the head. 

“Pearl, relax,” the woman teased. “I love my awkward little renegade just the way she is, bird noises and war stories and all.”

Jasper had to hold back a laugh at Sheena’s quips while the two had their moment. For all the Gem War had done, Jasper was really happy she was able to make amends with Pearl and confide in her about those memories. And she was really--surprisingly--happy for the two of them. Pearl had been through a lot in losing Rose and those two complimented each other in the strangest, but sweetest way. 

And weirdly enough, a strange pang settled in Jasper’s chest. She was almost...sad?

Sad couldn’t be the right word. How could she be sad? She had a beautiful child, a sweet baby boy and was on a long but weirdly exciting journey to find her new purpose in life. She was more than a soldier, she was a mom. She had  _ friends _ . She had Pearl, and Amethyst, and Sheena, and Peridot, and the other gems. 

But she didn’t have  _ a _ Sheena. 

Well, that wasn’t right...she didn’t have  _ a _ Pearl. 

No...that wasn’t right either. She didn’t...there was no one to be a Pearl to her Sheena. That was better.

Gaaah, but what did that matter? She’d never needed anyone in  _ that _ capacity before. And she still didn’t.

She needed her damn driver’s license is what she needed. 

Jasper plowed through the next several days, trying to refrain from breaking Greg’s car any more than she already had. And slowly but surely, she had gotten the hang of driving and was comfortable enough to let Diamond back in the van with her. After all, once she got the hang of gauging the pressure she applied to the brakes and accelerator, a car wasn’t much unlike the Era-1 ships she had operated.

Oh, did she miss those ships. So much better than any Era-2 technology...but never mind that, the fact of the matter was that driving was easy and it wasn’t long before Jasper could get her license.

Except...then she ran into another issue at the DMV.

“What in the world is a learner’s permit!?” Jasper barked at the receptionist. 

“It’s...you can’t learn to drive without it, ma’am, that’s illegal,” the woman tried to explain. 

“But I have a state ID!” Jasper proclaimed (she still didn’t know how the hell Kathy and Kevin had worked their way around the earth’s legal system to procure Jasper legal documents. And she was still offended that they had listed her as being a mere thirty years old at the time. That was a child’s age! If they were going to lie, they could at least have picked a respectable age for a gem. She should’ve gotten at least a century’s worth of experience on her identification! How embarrassing, ‘thirty’. Yeah she was thirty alright, thirty-five now if one counted the time that had passed since then. Did anyone know a decently acclimated gem that was thirty-five? No! Not at all! They were still confused and forgot how to operate Roaming Eyes at that age!)

“A state ID isn’t the same as a driver’s permit, ma’am,” the woman pressed. “You’re going to have to take the permit test on these computers first, and if you pass you can come take a driving test in sixty days.”

“Sixty days?!” Jasper guffawed. She’d flown ships that were more complicated than a car! This was ridiculous!

Before she could yell anything else, Pearl clamped her hand over her mouth and announced, “that’s fine! Thank you!” and dragged Jasper out of the DMV. 

“This is stupid!” Jasper huffed, crossing her arms. 

“Still against those cheap tactics?” Pearl offered. 

Jasper let out a low growl at that. She didn’t like the idea but…

“How good are you and Peridot at hacking?” she spat.

“How do you think we got you a state ID?”

“That was you!?”

Needless to say, a week later, Jasper had a driver’s permit and they went to the DMV on the  _ other _ side of beach city to take her driving test. 

And out of pure guilt, Jasper lectured Diamond multiple times on how forging fake government documents was illegal and by no means okay. At all. 

But hey, she got a perfect score on her test! 

...her picture on the license could’ve been a lot better though…

Ugh. 

Jasper groaned at her license photo as she reclined in her bed that night. It really could’ve looked a lot better. But whatever, she could move past that obstacle and get a car before Kevin came back.

Jasper heaved a sigh, a melancholy similar to that the night she spent with Sheena and Pearl settling over her. She dismissed it, figuring it was time to go to sleep.

She closed her eyes for a moment before her phone buzzed, illuminating the room with a blue hue in the process. 

“Who in the world…?” Jasper grumbled, reaching for her phone. She should have figured it was Kathy, but she was still surprised to see the woman’s face show up next to the text on the screen.

_ ‘...what if I just came home for Christmas this year?’ _

Jasper felt her eyebrow furrow. What? Slightly confused, she opened the text message and began typing her response, ‘ _ Home?’ _

_ ‘Beach city. The house. With you and Diamond.’ _

_ ‘I mean I’m not opposed. Is there any specific reason why though?’ _

_ ‘I just don’t particularly want to spend another Christmas in Jersey...ugh but the plane tickets are so expensive.’ _

_ ‘How much are they?’ _

_ ‘Well, logistically I wouldn’t be able to make tuition payments if I bought the tickets.’ _

_ ‘Kathy…’ _

_ ‘Uggggh. Sorry I just miss you so much.’ _

_ ‘I could pay for your ticket?’ _

_ ‘I...I want to say yes but my pride wants me to be able to pay for this myself.’ _

Jasper heaved a sigh. Well, she couldn’t argue with that. 

_ ‘How about this: you’re getting some kind of degree right?’ _

_ ‘Yes, I finished my bachelor’s and now I’m trying to get my MBA.’ _

_ ‘It gets you fancy job in Beach City, right?’ _

_ ‘More or less. I finish it next year.’ _

_ ‘Okay, how about this, what if you put everything into finishing your MBA or whatever as soon as possible and then when you come back to Beach City next, you’re here to stay. Deal?’ _

Several long minutes elapsed before Kathy responded. 

_ ‘But I’ll need to get an apartment.’ _

_ ‘No you won’t, you can just stay here. You just called it home, right?’ _

_ ‘Well...I can’t argue with that logic.’ _

_ ‘So is it a deal?’ _

_ ‘It’s a deal :)’ _

Jasper chuckled to herself as they bid each other goodnight and she set her phone back down. The quartz rolled over on her side, pulling the blankets over her body a bit more, a weird smile crossing her lips. How ridiculous it was, she thought, that she had felt a need to find a Pearl to her Sheena. 

She had Diamond, and now Onyx. 

And she had Kathy too. 


	2. How Jasper Got Her Mom Van

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper gets a mom van and everyone thinks she's old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in the middle of writing this and proof reading this and the upcoming Chapter 16 I remembered that both this and "How Jasper Got Her License" happened in between events of Chapter 16, not between chapters. That's not important. But whatever. 
> 
> Anywaaaaaaay~ Jasper got her mom van and Chapter 16 should be out as soon as it's beta'd! Enjoy!

Getting her license was one thing, finding a car that Jasper actually fit in was an entire other ordeal.

The van spoiled her. While there was no legroom to begin with, at least she fit. But these…these “sports models” that Sheena kept dragging her to didn’t even allow her to squeeze her hips into the door.

“What if you just…” Sheena mused aloud, “Went in at a different angle?”

“I already bent one steering wheel, I’m not breaking anything else!” Jasper snapped back with a hushed voice. The retailer didn’t know that she had broken the last car they had looked at, and frankly they were going to try to keep it that way.

“Well, we could try this sports car—“

“Sheena,” Jasper groaned. “For the hundredth time, I do not need a  _ sports _ car, I need a  _ mom _ car. I’m a  _ mom _ .”

“I don’t see why we can’t look at those vans over at the other dealership,” Pearl mused.

“She has a teenager and a toddler, not an entire army. She doesn’t need an old person van,” Sheena griped. “Plus Diamond would want to travel in style.”

“Okay, well by human standards, I am definitely  _ old _ ,” Jasper barked back. “I think Diamond can deal with me driving an ‘old person’ car if it means I can fit in it!”

Sheena hummed in response to that before she finally whined, “At least consider an SUV…”

“No!”

“Okay, fine, if you want to pick out a car, be my guest,” Sheena threw her hands up in the air. “But you are  _ not _ driving an old lady van!”

Jasper let out a growl but sighed in relief that she could at least pick out her own car.

“Would you like to try something else?” the retailer asked.

“Yeah, could we just uh…try something big? I don’t really care about the model. Just something huge that can haul kids.”

“Hmm,” the man thought for a minute, “I have one model you can try. Come with me.”

They followed him to the back of the lot to a large, white behemoth of a van and Jasper fell in love.

It was bigger than Greg’s! And it had seats in the back! What, could this fit like fifteen people in the back? Ohhhh that was awesome!

“This is great!” Jasper grinned.

“You’re joking,” Pearl cringed.

“Nope!” Jasper retorted, climbing into the driver’s seat. Agh, and she fit too! Oh this was great. She could already imagine all of the vacations they could take in the van (Diamond did say they always wanted to go on a road trip for vacation!). Perfect!

“Yeah, this is good,” Jasper grinned. “I like this.”

“Absolutely not,” Sheena crossed her arms.

“Whaaaaat?” Jasper whined. “But Sheena! Look at the seating!”

“Do you plan on adopting thirteen more children?” she snapped back. “Jasper, that’s the kind of van churches use to haul piles of screaming children to mission trips and youth conventions! It’s  _ lame _ .”

“I have to admit, it does look pretty ridiculous…” Pearl noted. “The definition of an old lady car…”

“Literally it was this kind of van I had to sit in every summer to go to Bible Camp,” Sheena whined, a horrified look on her face.

“I don’t even know what Bible Camp is,” Jasper snapped. “And Pearl, who do you think you’re calling an old lady?!”

“Look at the type of car that you’re sitting in!” Pearl retorted. “What, do you slow down 500 feet before a stop sign too?! Do you drive the speed limit?!”

“That’s what you’re supposed to do!”

“What you’re supposed to do and what everyone else does are two different things!”

“You see, that attitude right there is why pearls aren’t allowed to fly star ships!”

“Oh really!? Last I checked we were made to be  _ servants _ !”

“Oh my god,” Sheena smacked her hand to her face, “I am literally surrounded by my grandparents.”

“We’re not that old!” Pearl and Jasper intoned together.

“How many millennia?” Sheena crossed her arms and gave a pointed look.

There was a long moment of silence before Jasper (admittedly) immaturely pointed at Pearl and announced, “Well she’s older!”

“You’re both old as shit, now are you test driving that or not?” Sheena snapped back.

“Yes!” Jasper declared as Pearl squawked, “No!”

Thankfully, Jasper won the battle of will and only fell in love with the van even more during the drive.

She could bulldoze her way through traffic in this thing, both literally and figuratively. She wouldn’t do it literally, of course, but the thought gave her power.

And her superiority complex did enjoy the feeling of power.

“Yeah, this is the car,” Jasper announced.

“No,” Sheena and Pearl both protested.

“Why not!?” Jasper snapped back. “Also, what makes you have more of a say in this than I do?”

“Because you asked us to come?” Pearl asked.

Jasper couldn’t negate that point.

“Diamond’s going to hate it,” Sheena added. “I’m just saying.”

Jasper was silent for a long moment, fighting against her own willpower as she said, “Well, Diamond’s not here right now are they?”

“Here or not, they’re still going to complain about it every time they get into the van,” Pearl chuckled. “That child is hitting their teenage years, you can’t forget that.”

“Okay,” Jasper shrugged, though in the back of her mind she already know how vocal Diamond was and if Sheena’s horror stories about how bad she was during adolescence was any indicator for Jasper, while she didn’t expect her baby to be  _ that _ bad or rebellious, she definitely knew she would be hearing their opinion every which way as they got older…

“I could show you some smaller vans that might also be to your liking and you could bring Diamond by for their input later,” the retailer suggested.

Jasper groaned about it the entire time—none of these “mini vans” were near as tall as the other one and she still had to hunch forward and scoot the seat back as far as possible to fit—but she couldn’t deny that she at least needed to give Diamond some options.

When she came home, she found Diamond reclined on the couch watching another one of those bridal shows with their friend Alexis.

“Ugh, she looks so much better in that ball gown,” Alexis whined at the television.

“I knooow,” Diamond rolled their eyes. “This one is just…it’s just too much going on. Who needs  _ feathers _ on their wedding dress?”

“Not me,” Alexis turned her nose up.

“Are you two watching that…marriage show again?” Jasper cringed as she stepped into the living room.

“Moooom,” Diamond teased. “It’s called ‘Say Yes to the Dress’! And it’s a good show! Okay this episode sucks because this chick is literally just wanting the most expensive dress, but last one was super sweet because the bride got an all expense-paid trip thanks to the hospital she went to when she had cancer…and it was really sweet! And all her doctors and nurses surprised her! And-! And-! Oh! And where’s the new car?”

Jasper took a minute to process how quickly Diamond’s train of thought switched but she managed to answer, “I-uh…wait explain to me what cancer is again first…”

“Uggggggh,” Diamond groaned, flopping over the arm of the couch. “It’s a disease that kills people. I dunno, we’re gonna talk about it in biology next week, but she was a survivor and it was adorable and what car did we get?”

“Also when does Onyx come home?” Alexis added with a smile.

“And can we take Alexis to meet Onyx this weekend? Please?”

Jasper looked to and from each child in front of her, struggling to handle the topic switching that was happening. Ohhhh she was too one-track-minded for this.

“We don’t have a car yet,” Jasper managed. “We decided it might be best if I take you to look at the options we picked out because Sheena thought you might want to give your input first. And maybe not this weekend, it depends on how well Onyx’s infection cleared up.”

Alexis deflated and Diamond’s face flattened.

“Mom, please tell me you aren’t getting an old lady van.”

“I—“ Jasper started.  _ How did Sheena know _ !? “It’s not an old lady van. Look, I need to account for my size and with you and Onyx in tow, I need to make sure you can fit your friends and—“

“Nooooooo,” Diamond whaled. “You got a church van!?”

“I haven’t gotten anything yet!” Jasper barked, placing her hands on her hips, prompting Diamond to clamp their mouth shut and let her finish. “I’ve narrowed it down to two options and you can help me pick out the one you like best.”

Diamond heaved a sigh, nodding their head for a moment before they asked, “Is one of them at least an SUV?”

“I don’t fit in SUV’s, Di.”

“Did you scoot the seat back first?”

Jasper started to answer before she realized that it wasn’t until they looked at the line of mini vans that she realized she could even do that, so instead of answering the question she groaned, “We are not getting an SUV.”

“Okay,” Diamond relented, flopping onto their back and nearly knocking Alexis over in the process.

Jasper had to admit, she didn’t know what Diamond’s reaction would be when they saw the cars she had picked out. But she didn’t quite expect Sheena’s guess to be so on point.

Diamond didn’t even get into the bigger van before they crossed their arms and blandly stated, “Absolutely not.”

Jasper was climbing in the driver’s seat when she turned back to her kid, offended, “Wh-oh come on!”

“Mom!” Diamond threw their hands up, gesturing at the car, “This is the kind of van creepy old men offering candy in stranger danger commercials drive up in! This is the kind of van Alexis has to take to go to Bible Camp every summer!”

“What is it with you kids and Bible Camp?” Jasper guffawed. “Do I need to--?”

“No!” Diamond answered before she could finish the question. They then smacked their hand to their face, “Mom, I love you but this is really lame…”

Jasper was at a loss for words. Not once in their time together had Jasper made a decision that Diamond actively protested this much. Except for maybe the time she tried buying crocs since none of the sandals Diamond had her try on fit (they were comfortable!).

Behind Diamond, Sheena merely chuckled to herself and shrug, “I warned you.”

Giving both her and Pearl, who had completely lost all composure at this point, a pointed look, Jasper defended, “Well, you were the one who said you wanted to have enough room to take vacations in this car…”

“Yeah, but we don’t need a  _ fifteen-passenger _ van!” Diamond groaned.

“Aren’t you the one who wanted more siblings?”

“Yeah like two or six more!” Diamond retorted. “Not an entire armada!”

Jasper narrowed her eyes, not sure if she should point out that two and six more kids was a significant difference, to put it lightly, especially when Jasper wasn’t one hundred percent sure how well she would handle balancing just  _ two kids _ period!

“Do you want to see the other car?” Jasper gave in.

“Is it another church van?”

“It’s a mini van…”

Diamond relented and Jasper got out of her dream car, trying to hide her disappointment as they went over to the other van.

“Okay, now this makes sense,” Diamond mused, climbing into the middle seat without hesitation. “But could we get a cooler color? Silver is just…”

“Really bland?” Sheena guessed.

“Yeah!”

“Oh yes of course, Diamond,” the retailer grinned, “This is just our show model we use to test drive. But we have options in burgundy, navy, and more.”

Jasper groaned to herself. Cool, the retailer wasn’t even talking to her anymore.

“Oooooh, mom can we get a navy van?” Diamond asked.

“Well, you’re the one picking it out, apparently,” Jasper grumbled. In the rearview mirror, she could see that lower lip puckering out overdramatically.

“No I’m not,” Diamond whined. “If I were picking it out, I’d vote we get an SUV.”

“This is a great compromise!” Pearl added from the back seat. “And I must say, I love the legroom back here!”

Jasper held in a growl, not sure if she was intentionally poking fun of Jasper’s lack thereof or not.

Okay, Jasper did have legroom.

And the mini van did drive really well. And it was easier to park and had higher crash safety ratings than the other van once they sat down at the office to really look at the two cars.

But dammit, that other van was so cool.

And big.

It was massive.

…she could’ve driven an army in it if she wanted to too…

And honestly, in hindsight, she was more just bitter that everyone called her lame for wanting the other van, but that was beside the point!

Diamond absent-mindedly played with all of the radio settings and other features they could find in the front seat the entire drive home while Sheena and Pearl debated how to get the DVD player in the back to work (Diamond just  _ haaad _ to negotiate for that upgrade, didn’t they. And why was she getting teased for making the car an ‘extra mom van’ for that anyway!? It wasn’t her fault the kid had puppy eyes for days and the retailer caved into adding the upgrade for no extra cost! That was just poor marketing on his part).

Pearl and Sheena ate dinner with them that night. Well…Sheena ate with them, Pearl just enjoyed the company. The three rattled on and on about how good of a car that was, but Jasper lamented silently.

“Oh, come on Jasper,” Pearl chided. “Don’t be so petty, it’s a good car!”

“Jaspers are petty if we don’t get what we want,” Jasper grumbled. “Let me have this.”

“Do you really not like it?” Diamond asked, sudden concern etched into their eyes. The poor thing looked like they were about to start crying.

That snapped Jasper out of her pity-party real quick.

“No no no, that’s not it!” Jasper assured, waving her hands frantically. “I like the car, I really do!”

Diamond looked down at the table, that lip quivering again. “I’m sorry, Mom. If you really liked that car so much more then…I’m so sorry!”

“Diamond, it’s  _ fine _ ,” Jasper assured. “I just act petty sometimes! Jokingly!”

Diamond shot Jasper a pitiful look, and Sheena merely shook her head, “Look what you did, Jasper. Dashed this kid’s hopes and dreams.”

“Sheena!” Jasper whined. “I didn’t mean to!”

“You might be over exaggerating a bit there,” Pearl patted the woman on the shoulder.

“No, it’s my fault,” Diamond added.

“No it’s not,” Jasper assured. “I—ohhhh stars.” The quartz glanced at the other two adults at the table and mouthed, “ _ help. _ ”

“I am helping,” Sheena glared back. “You just  _ had  _ to have your big strong bulldozer of a van as your first choice.”

“No, guys it’s okay!” Diamond insisted.

Playing along, Pearl shook her head and said, “I wonder what Kathy would think…”

“Pearl!” Diamond whined. “It’s fine!”

“Guys,” Jasper interrupted, chuckling. She didn’t know why the whole exchange was so funny to her, but it brought a smile to her face and she took Diamond’s hand and said, “Don’t worry about me, kiddo. I love the car.”

Diamond hesitantly eyed Jasper for a moment before they asked, “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!” Jasper grinned. “Think of all the vacations we’ll be able to take in that thing!”

A small smile breached their lips and Diamond giggled, “Okay!”

“Aww,” Pearl mused.

Jasper shot her and Sheena a glare. “You two are the worst.”

“I think we’re pretty helpful actually,” Sheena protested.

“You are the least helpful human I have  _ ever  _ met,” Jasper stated.

“Including David?” Diamond asked.

“Don’t even get me started on David,” Jasper snarled. “But yes!”

“Oh  _ please _ ,” Sheena fought, a sly grin on her face. “If it hadn’t been for me you would’ve gotten that monster van.”

“If it hadn’t been for you we wouldn’t have wasted two hours looking at  _ sports cars _ that I couldn’t even fit in to begin with!”

“Diamond would’ve felt pretty cool in it though,” Sheena grumbled.

“Yeah and where would Onyx have gone?”

Sheena was about to retort when she and Jasper both noticed the other two at the table cracking up.

“What?” they both asked.

“I swear you are two gems of the same cut!” Pearl cackled, holding her sides.

Jasper and Sheena glanced at each other for a moment before they both cringed and denied the fact.

“Literally you guys are the same person!” Diamond spat, a grin on their face.

Jasper let out a groan and Sheena flipped her hair to the other side of her face, though neither of them could keep a straight face.

Okay…so they were  _ kind of  _ similar. But Jasper had more sensible taste than Sheena did, even if it wasn’t as “cool” or “flashy”.

Clods, maybe Jasper was an old lady gem.

Jasper sat back in her chair, smiling to herself as she watched Diamond and Pearl discuss their sword training emphatically. She had missed that switch in conversation, but she didn’t mind. She loved hearing Diamond’s stories and watching how much Diamond had grown in the five years she had known them.

Jasper’s gaze drifted over to Sheena for a moment, the woman looked…downcast for some reason. Jasper shrugged it off, that girl zoned out just as easily as Jasper herself did if the topic of conversation drifted over her head; it was probably nothing.

At least, that’s what the quartz figured until she finally ushered Diamond off to get ready for bed and she watched as Sheena reclined into Pearl with a huff.

“Sheena?” Pearl asked. “Everything alright?”

“Hm?” Sheena glanced up at the gem, “Yeah, I’m fine. I think I’m just getting tired is all.”

“You did get up pretty early today,” Jasper noted. “Well, we don’t have to watch a movie if you need to get some rest.”

“Thanks,  _ Mom _ , but I’ve been waiting for this movie to come out on DVD I’m just fine,” Sheena teased. Jasper shot the woman a glare back, mimicking her with a high-pitched grumble as she knelt down to search for the box set she had just purchased.

They were about half-way through the movie when Jasper got caught texting Kathy.

“Talking to your girlfriend there?” Pearl elbowed.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jasper said gruffly. That argument was getting harder and harder to win as time passed.

“When is she coming back to Beach City, anyway? I miss her,” Pearl asked, completely avoiding any debate.

“Next year, hopefully,” Jasper answered. “She’s finishing up graduate school first.”

“Did you tell her about Onyx?” Sheena asked, a knowing grin on her face.

“Of course I told her,” Jasper muttered, knowing exactly where this was going.

“But did you tell her before or after you adopted him?”

Jasper started to answer before she realized it was Pearl that had asked the latter question and she shot both of them a glare: “Greg is the biggest gossip in all of Beach City I  _ know _ you both know the answer to that by now!”

Sheena didn’t even bother to maintain her composure as Pearl managed to ask, “Okay but how mad was she, I must know!”

“She was…she doesn’t think I can handle a baby…” was all Jasper could say.

The gem and the human broke out into hysterics at that.

“Oh shut  _ up _ ,” Jasper crossed her arms. “You know how Kathy gets she’s worse than Pearl when it comes to micromanaging.”

“Hey!”

“No, Pearl’s pretty bad, Jasper, trust me.”

“No I’m not!”

“What about that symmetrical pile of garbage in my garage?”

“It was bothering me!”

Jasper laughed at that, and earned herself a swift smack of the arm as a result. After the movie she showed Sheena and Pearl to the door. Pearl was talking emphatically about...something. Jasper had tuned her out and she was too engrossed in what she was saying that she didn’t notice that Sheena had lingered by the doorway.

“Jasper?” Sheena asked, her gaze distant. “Promise me something, okay?”

“Yeah? What is it?” Jasper asked. 

“Gems live a while right?” Sheena asked suddenly, “At least longer than humans?”

Jasper felt a pit form in her stomach as she nodded her head. She knew where this was going...and she hated thinking about it. 

“Promise me you’ll look after Pearl, okay?” Sheena asked.

The breath rushed out of Jasper and she tried to maintain her composure. Instead of letting the question affect her, she grunted, “Of course I will. But, stars, Sheena, you’re not even thirty yet, come back to me about that when you’re using your dye to hide gray hair.”

Sheena blew a tuft of pink out of her face and rolled her eyes, “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks  _ Mom _ .”

The woman ducked out the door laughing before Jasper could yell back at her. 

“Oh there you are!” Pearl spun around, “What, you want to stay and be Diamond’s sister or something?”

“Oh shut up!” Jasper yelled out, as the other two walked off snickering to themselves. She rolled her eyes and closed the door before heading upstairs. Jasper almost went straight to her room, but found herself pausing outside of Diamond’s. The child slept soundly in their bed, covers already strewn about. Jasper couldn’t help but chuckle to herself as she quietly stepped into the room and gently pulled the covers back over the child. She watched them for a brief moment, in awe of how much they had changed and grown over the last five years.

How quickly humans could age. 

Jasper shook that thought out of her head again as she kissed Diamond on the forehead goodnight. No, she wouldn’t think about that for a while. She had her children, she had a family. 

And she had that damn mom van. 

If it meant keeping them young, Jasper would gladly accept being the old lady in the old lady van for the time being. 


	3. Kasper Kuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime in the near distant future Kasper will, in fact, become canon. 
> 
> And you better believe that Jasper takes up the entire freakin bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...I felt bad for making you all nervous about Jasper's corruption bothering her in the "Blood Diamonds" Chapter. Most notably, I feel bad for making Cape have to beta through all the angst before you guys get the final product. 
> 
> So.
> 
> I've had this baby sitting on my Google Drive for a WHILE now as a gift for Cape and I was trying to wait for the plot to actually get to this part of the story's timeline buuuuuut~ as a special treat for my amazing beta and all of you wonderful readers I wanted to give you all a crystal ball to see what the future for our favorite family might be like! I know a lot of you have been shipping Kathy and Jasper together and I've gotten much less subtle and altogether stopped trying to hide it so congrats! Your ship is canon! At least 2016 gave us Victuuri from Yuri on Ice and Kasper from this brain baby of mine! 
> 
> Anyway *throws fluff at you* feel better! You all are worrying me with the pain I inflicted upon you guys!

One thing Kathy had never expected was how...warm a gem’s touch could be. It was funny, she had always thought of the space-faring race as cold and calculating and merciless. Like the corrupted monsters that had attacked her and her ex-husband over a decade before, like the ships the descended on the planet she called home declaring that they were the ones that owned this “colony”. 

And this gem beside her, she had heard the stories about the gem war. Those Crystal Gems that took over most of the beach would never shut up about it. They reaped enough havoc on Beach City as was, and to hear that a gem that had been  _ against  _ them was now living here permanently had been unsettling to say the least. The first time Kathy even grazed her hand, she expected the gem to be just that: a cold stone. 

Oh, but she had been, and still was, so much more than that. She was smooth to the touch and radiated a strangely comforting heat that not only drew Kathy in, but it swept her off her feet altogether. Her intent gaze, her broad shoulders, her strong muscles that could carry the weight of two worlds and certainly seemed like they had already, could hold and care for a child with such tenderness and love that the sight almost didn’t seem real. Everything about her was a warm bliss and Kathy wanted nothing more than to remain in her arms for as long as she could. 

But alas, Jasper slept on her stomach and for someone who didn’t have an actual nose she snored like a freight train if her face got smooshed against the pillow at the correct angle. Sometimes it lulled Kathy to sleep, albeit forcefully, sometimes it just woke her up from dreams about, you know, being able to sleep in her arms.

She also took up most of the bed. Granted, that one shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but also Jasper could stand to scoot over and not take the middle of the bed, even if it was King-size. 

“Babe…” Kathy muttered, rolling over so that she could drape her arm over the gem’s back, her face buried into Jasper’s side. 

“ _ Mmmmff,”  _ the gem’s grunt was muffled and altogether unintelligible through the pillow; that is, if she had said any actual words at all. Kathy had to admit that, considering how loud she snored, she was impressed with how lightly Jasper slept at any given time. Maybe it had to do with the fact that gems didn’t actually need sleep, maybe it had to do with how rearing three babies and a teenager would set anyone on edge in the middle of the night. 

Or maybe Jasper’s claims about a weird dream that had to do with a rose, a diamond, and a pizza that kept her from wanting to sleep too deeply were the actual root cause. She didn’t know. 

Kathy gently ran her finger down one of the stripes lining Jasper’s back and sighed, “You’re taking up the whole bed.”

“Nnnmmnnnt,” Jasper responded. Rolling her eyes, Kathy attempted to brush a mound of hair out of the way so she could at least see the quartz’s face a bit better. 

“Yes you are, scoot over,” Kathy nudged. 

Jasper let out another grunt, unmoving. Having learned the hard way that trying to make her move by force would only warrant her moving in the opposite direction and probably running you over out of spite, Kathy opted for a more tactful approach. 

She continued rubbing the gem’s back for a time, head propped up in her other arm as she watched the strong, defined muscles that made up her partner’s back and upper arms relax under the touch. She heard Jasper let out a soft sigh, beginning to doze again, and when the mound of hair sank further into her pillow, Kathy’s hand darted to Jasper’s side, tickling her. 

“HEY!” Jasper yelped, flinching immediately at the touch. Her entire body recoiled, pushing herself backwards as she drew her knees to her chest to avoid accidentally kicking Kathy in the process. Kathy chuckled to herself as the famed, millennia old quartz soldier glared at her with pitiful yellow eyes. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Kathy asked, fighting back a smirk. She lurched forward and swiped her finger against Jasper’s exposed side again, warranting another yelp and a visible flinch. “That?”

“Stoooop!” Jasper whined, rolling onto her other side, facing away from Kathy. “Okay, I’m scooting over!”

Hm. Well that didn’t fully warrant the response she wanted. 

Trying one more time, Kathy carefully reached her arm around Jasper’s waist, laughing at how the quartz flinched and grunted in anticipation, but relaxed as her hand settled over her stomach. She nuzzled her face in between Jasper’s shoulder blades along the cloth of her sports bra. She heard Jasper chuckle as she relaxed again. As the silence washed over them, Kathy quickly darted her hand against Jasper’s side again, causing the gem to go into complete defense mode. 

“NO!” Jasper yelled, rolling over and easily overpowering Kathy as she sat on top of the woman, pinning her arms down against the bed. Kathy, however, was giggling wildly, unable to contain her amusement at the fierce expression of the gem now glaring down at her. “Kathy!”

“What?” Kathy giggled innocently.

“Don’t  _ do  _ that!” Jasper growled. The ferocity in her voice finally got Kathy to stop laughing and she stared up at the gem with hesitation. 

Oh...she may have pissed her off. 

Gentle giants weren’t so gentle when they were pissed. 

Well...this particular one would just pout for several days as opposed to doing anything that would require her immense strength. But that would just leave the bed cold and uninviting and that was not the intention here. 

“I’m sorry,” Kathy whispered. Almost immediately, Jasper sighed, releasing the tension in the air as she laid back down, resting her head on Kathy’s chest. 

Kathy wrapped her arms around Jasper’s head, kissing the top of it before she noted that, while this was nice, she couldn’t seem to wriggle her legs free from underneath Jasper.

And her legs were falling asleep real quick. 

“Babe,” Kathy started, “Could I...um...move my legs real quick?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you were tickling me!” Jasper protested. Kathy let out a groan, subconsciously rubbing her fingers through the quartz’s hair.

“But Jaspeeeer! My legs are falling asleep.”

“Good, that’s what you get,” Jasper retorted, wriggling slightly as she settled herself into what must’ve been a very comfortable positions for her. “Besides, you make a good pillow. And keep scratching my head.”

“But if my legs fall asleep that means there’s no blood flow,” Kathy continued. 

“Cool, I know nothing about human physiology.”

“If there’s no blood flow then my legs get no oxygen. And if there’s no oxygen then the tissue in my legs die off and I’ll need them amputated!” Kathy wailed overdramatically, draping one of her forearms over her face. Despite her apparent lack of amusement, that statement did peak Jasper’s curiosity enough to cause her to lift her head, resting her chin on Kathy’s chest, eyebrows lifted slightly. 

“Is that so,” she grumbled.

“Yes! It’s true!” Kathy whined. “And if my legs get amputated then I will be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life! And that’s not what you want for your partner, is it?”

“Kathy,” Jasper grunted.

“Yes?” 

“If humans were that fragile then you all would be extinct by now.”

“Oh come on!” Kathy spat back. “Well, it’s true that if blood flow is blocked I could get a clot in one of my arteries! Would you want that?”

“Well--”

“And that clot could break free and get stuck in my lungs or my brain and then I would die instantly!”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“I’m not! It’s called an embolism if it gets that far,” Kathy stated, feeling mighty pleased with herself. “I learned about it during my one year of nursing school!”

“You mean the year of nursing school you failed out of?”

“Well…I didn’t  _ fail _ out of it per say. I just switched majors!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Jasper, come on! I said I was sorry!” Kathy whined, the pins and needles in her legs becoming too much to handle. “I seriously can’t feel my legs!”

“Well, then what do you want from me?” Jasper barked back.

“To get up!”

“Oh, so because you anticipated me sitting on top of you, that’s why you started tickling me?”

“No!” Kathy whined. “Jasper, come on--”

“What do you want, Kathy?”

“For you to hold me,” Kathy pouted, crossing her arms as she gave up. She hated pouting, but if it finally got this gem’s ass off of her then so be it. The two stared at each other for a long moment before Jasper heaved a sigh and lifted herself off of Kathy. 

“Thank you--” Kathy started, before she was cut off by the sound of her own yelp as Jasper scooped the woman into her arms and sat back against the bed. 

“That better?” Jasper chuckled, cradling Kathy in her arms. With her free hand, Jasper pulled the blankets up closer to the two of them, and Kathy could have drifted to sleep right then and there in the gem’s arms, her head resting against Jasper’s chest. 

“Yes,” Kathy smiled. “Thank you.” 

“I spoil you too much,” Jasper mused, playing with Kathy’s hair. 

“No, you spoil our kids,” Kathy corrected. “With me, you just take up over half the bed and it takes a tickle fight for me to get you to cuddle.”

“Your version of cuddling and my version of cuddling seem to be very different,” Jasper pointed out. 

“Mmmm,” Kathy groaned back in response. Okay, so maybe she was a little spoiled. 

Jasper held Kathy so tenderly; she could watch the muscle’s of the gem’s arm ripple as she moved, yet her touch as she cupped Kathy’s face in her hand was so soft. Kathy couldn’t remember what she initially expected when she first met Jasper, but she couldn’t have possibly dreamt at the time that she would one day feel so warm and so cozy and so  _ safe _ in Jasper’s arms. 

“I love you, Kathy,” Jasper whispered, lightly tracing the lines of her face with a finger.

“I love you too, Jasper.”

_ Love _ , what a beautiful feeling that was. Kathy grinned to herself as she drifted back to sleep, soothed by the warmth of her partner’s touch and the warming reassurance of her partner’s gem’s glow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra brownie points to anyone who caught the other spoiler I slid in there~


	4. The Phone Call Kathy Got

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the night that they got grounded, Diamond left a concerning phone call for Kathy. Uncertain what exactly had prompted them to make it followed by the anxiety of her calls going straight to voicemail when she tried to call them back, Kathy makes a spur of the moment decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so I've given you guys several angsty chapters of My Diamond lately. 
> 
> So...let me give you all a break and throw some of Kathy's recent happenings at ya. 
> 
> I'll also be posting the next chapter of My Diamond in a little bit but...just...just know that this is going on simultaneously. Just. It'll be okay, fam. I promise. 
> 
> Also also, one of these days I'm going to reorganize the chapters of this side story collage so that each "chapter" occurs chronologically. Kasper Kuddles was kind of added so you guys know that there is going to be happy happenings in the future even though I'm breaking hearts at present, so it's throwing the timeline off. But I'm going to leave it as is for now to limit a little confusion when you see that there's a new chapter (I am definitely the reader that would see a new chapter, click on the last chapter of the fic when I go into it, and then be confused when I see the chapter I just read. Because things got shifted...I am not making sense I am going to stop. But I'll reorganize it eventually I swear!)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

_ She stared intently in the eyes of a gem she was now lying under a blanket fort with, a child nestled in between them. For the first time in what felt like years, Kathy felt a dwindling ember deep in her chest finally breathe back to life and ignite into a strong flame. She felt alive for the first time since-- _

_ Well...since she lost everything. _

_ There were certain things she and David never talked about, things she thought she’d never find closure with. But with Jasper...for being the very being Kathy had come to fear, she felt...really safe with the gem. She felt like she had found the person she could share all of those things with, the person she could finally, truly live her life with in the way she had always dreamed of.  _

_ And yet here she was, big, beautiful, and the color of a warm sunset. And she was sighing in discontent.  _

_ “...I was horrible back then, sometimes I don’t think I’m much better.” _

_ The words that had come out of her mouth that night were a shock to Kathy. From the moment she met Jasper, that quartz exuded nothing but confidence (and sometimes cockyness, and usually inherent stubbornness). And yet here she was, confessing that she was anything but that. _

_ It broke Kathy’s heart, honestly. _

_ “You’re an amazing person, don’t even start,” she pressed. “And you aren’t completely at fault for what happened with Malachite. Sure, you’re the one that initiated that fusion, but you’re not the one who forced the fusion to stay together. Plus, you’re past that now, you’re safe, you’ve grown and you’re moving on. That’s what matters now.” _

_ Jasper huffed a sigh, unconvinced, and glanced down at the child nestled against her side. Diamond. Sweet, sweet Diamond. That kid had the gem wrapped around their little finger. Diamond had become Jasper’s whole world.  _

_ Diamond and Jasper had become Kathy’s whole world.  _

_ And when she was at her most vulnerable, her most broken, they saved her from the gaping hole in her heart, and helped her pick up the pieces.  _

_ And yet...for some strange reason Kathy had found a being even more broken than she was. Someone who needed her more than she needed them, and somehow that fact was just now dawning on the woman. It broke Kathy’s heart all over again just thinking about it. _

_ “Jasper,” Kathy started again, “You’re an amazing friend, an incredible mom, and the kindest gem I’ve ever met. Your past isn’t what matters, what matters is that you are here now and you love this kid with everything you have. You’ve saved their life and you saved mine.” _

_ “What?” Jasper crooned in disbelief. “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything.” _

_ “You were there for me,” Kathy felt her gaze drift away in embarrassment. It was a hard thing to admit, just how low she had sunk in her depression and lamentation when David left. But if Jasper could dust off all her cracks and imperfections, then so could Kathy. “You’ve been a friend to me and a shoulder to cry on and, I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I couldn’t have gotten back on my feet without you and Diamond. Never forget that, okay?” _

_ Jasper’s eyes were like the sun. Warm, and inviting, fearful to be near at first but brought so much life to Kathy’s life. Around Jasper, Kathy felt… _

_ Well...she felt at home.  _

_ Kathy watched as the gemstone that rested so neatly in the center of Jasper’s face emitted a faint glow, brightening up the entire blanket fort.  _

_ A gem’s glow, what a beautiful and rare sight for a human to behold. And how lucky, Kathy felt, to be the one Jasper’s glow was directed towards. With a smile, the human leaned forward, and her heart swelled with love as she placed a gentle kiss on Jasper’s lips and-- _

 

Kathy woke with a start, her heart racing in surprise as she sat up in the dark bedroom.

Disoriented for a moment, Kathy had to blink the sleep out of her eyes before she realized that there was no large gem with a glowing nose in sight. And that was, frankly, depressing to her. 

“Oh god,” Kathy groaned, rubbing her temples for a moment before she decided to get out of bed to get a glass of water. She stood numbly in the kitchen as she filled the glass and glanced at the clock.

It was just passed two in the morning, and whatever caused the woman to wake up she had a feeling she wouldn’t be going back to sleep anytime soon, her mind was already racing. That wasn’t the first time she had had that dream...it didn’t even play out accurately either. Back then, Kathy so foolishly thought Jasper’s gem glow was the same as blushing. She was swiftly corrected the next day when she saw Pearl pull a camera out of her own gemstone after Diamond’s adoption went through to take a photograph, which prompted Kathy to ask about causes for gems glowing.

And the answer she got...well...it definitely surprised her.

And it made her...happy? As the days wore on she could keep the thought out of her mind less and less.

Smacking her face to her hand, Kathy let out another groan.

There was no denying it anymore, she had it  _ bad _ for Jasper. 

Deep down, Kathy had always had a feeling that she was just as attracted to women (or...rather feminine presenting individuals in general) as she was to men (or...masculine presenting individuals) and Jasper just so happened to be the perfect blend of masculine and feminine. With an emphasis on the feminine, what with those kissable lips and eyelashes for days--

Kathy swiftly smacked her face against the door frame that led out of her kitchen.

Apparently Kathy had also discovered her type thanks to Jasper. 

“You’re a human, you’re a human, you’re a human,” the woman muttered out loud as she smacked her head repeatedly. It had, unfortunately, become her mantra as of late. It didn’t matter how many cute, unassuming texts Jasper sent or how many shirtless pics she’d get of the gem in nothing but a sports bra, there was no way she was flirting on purpose! She was an  _ alien _ ! She was thousands of years old, would live a thousand years more, and Kathy was--! Kathy was--!

She was the human daughter of two older Catholic people. 

Ohhhhhh and her parents still hadn’t gotten over the fact that their oldest daughter of  _ all people _ actually got a  _ divorce _ . What would her mother say if she brought home a  _ woman _ who also happened to be an  _ alien _ . 

“Your parents are Catholic, your parents are Catholic, your parents are Catholic,” Kathy repeated her second mantra with more exasperation until her voice cracked. She still couldn’t believe this. It had been  _ five years _ since they had seen each other in person and she  _ still _ was head over heels for the giant woman! She’d thought Jasper was just her mind trying to trick her into rebounding! 

Well, that had been her hope at the time...they were just pals. Just two gals being pals. Gal pals! That was it! 

Though...despite being a thirty-two year old woman who claimed she was not so addicted to technology as the kids a decade younger than her and beyond, she knew damn well that thanks to an internet meme that referring to someone as your “gal pal” just meant you were gay for them. 

Curse tumblr. 

And curse her sister for getting addicted to it and sharing posts with her all the time! 

Deciding that she wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon, Kathy went back upstairs to bed anyway, hugging a pillow as she lied down. Yet for whatever reason, no matter how tightly she squeezed the pillow, nothing could calm her beating heart the same way Jasper’s strong arms and soft chest could. 

And her skin, so warm to the touch, but never so hot that she could overheat or be uncomfortable…the way she could just envelope Kathy whole when she held her close, the woman could just closer her eyes and imagine Jasper curled around her protectively--

“Oh my god,” Kathy muttered, forcing herself to break her current train of thought. This was ridiculous. She just wanted to go  _ home _ . She wanted to be with Jasper again. She wanted to be with Diamond again. And she wanted to meet Onyx, dammit! 

Uggggh, why couldn’t Jasper have just said ‘ _ yes’ _ when she offered to help out with the baby! She could’ve put her MBA on hold if need be! It would’ve certainly saved her some money, especially if she had been…!

Nope! Not thinking of that, she was not going to let her mind drift down that path. Letting herself be financially dependent on her ex-husband in the expectation that kids would’ve  _ actually _ come along is what got her stuck living with her parents in  _ Jersey _ of all places in the first place, and it was only until very recently that she was able to rent an apartment with her own funds. Even if she was two hundred percent certain that Jasper would never pull the same kind of crap that David had...Jasper was also the one that pushed for her to make sure that she was able to support herself when push came to shove. 

And...Jasper probably didn’t think that way anyway. It was all just in her head…

As much as the thought killed her inside to think about, Kathy did eventually drop off to sleep, though her dreams were not as nearly as pleasant as they had been. She wasn’t even certain what woke her initially in the first place, and when the sunlight danced on her eyelids she realized that she was  _ not happy _ that whatever it was had pulled her from her happy thoughts to begin with. 

A girl can dream, can’t she? 

It was mid morning when she finally sat up with the intention of getting ready for the day. She didn’t have work, but she had plenty of errands to run. Checking her phone for the time, the woman had to suck in a breath and enjoy the sight of her screensaver. It was the attempted selfie Jasper had taken the day she received her dog tags from Diamond. And...yeah okay, maybe it was a little weird of Kathy to make that her lock screen but the gem was hot! 

...She’d have to change it before going back to Beach City though…

Scratching her head, in frustration, Kathy unlocked her phone and paused, noting the ‘missed call’ banner stretching over the top of her phone screen. 

A missed call from Diamond. 

Raising a brow in confusion, she tapped the banner until it opened up to her voicemail page. The time stamp read two o’clock, which had been about the same time that she had awoken from her dream that night. Finding that all the stranger, Kathy held the phone up to her ear to listen to the voicemail. 

“Heeeeey, Kathy. Uh...sorry it’s so late, I’m just afraid I’ll forget to call you in the morning but uh...so...okay before I start I’m not trying to get out of anything but I definitely got grounded today, I know I’m at fault it’s just...Mom’s...not been herself? Like at all? Like she’s been really angry and basically Onyx is crying and I don’t know what he needs and I went to ask her but she’s like...currently in the bathroom in a lot of pain acting more like a corrupted gem than anything and I don’t actually know if that’s a bad thing but if you could just not say anything to Mom or Mr. Johnson or anyone and call or text me back when you get this that’d be greeeaaat. Love you! Bye!”

The voicemail ended with a click, followed by the menu options playing back in her ear as Kathy dropped the phone to the ground. 

_ What!? _

Fumbling her fingers, Kathy tried to keep calm and wondered if Diamond had just prank called her for some odd reason as she texted the child back. 

“ _ Diamond. I got your message. What’s going on?” _

Trying to calm herself, Kathy got up and showered before she made herself a pot of coffee. It was just a ruse. It had to be.

She must’ve checked her phone six times within an hour and received no reply from Diamond. Drumming her fingers on the countertop for a minute, Kathy decided to dial the phone and call the preteen herself. 

The phone rang several times before it went to voicemail, “Hi! I’m Diamond. The cookie monster stole all my cookies. But I guess that’s okay. I’m just going to go bake more. Please leave a message!” 

Groaning in frustration, Kathy hung up the phone and contemplated just calling Jasper. If they had been grounded, then it was likely their phone had just been confiscated. This was all probably nothing, right? 

Of course...when Jasper didn’t answer  _ her _ phone, it didn’t matter how cute the voicemail greeting was since it featured Diamond trying to impersonate their mom who was trying to leave a formal greeting simultaneously, anxiety began to settle in the pit of her stomach. 

“Jasper,” Kathy spoke into the phone after a beep signaled her that her message was recording, “It’s Kathy. Diamond called me last night and told me to call them back. Could you please call me so I can stop worrying? Thanks, love you. Bye”

It didn’t dawn on her that she had dropped the ‘L’ word until she hung up the phone. 

...and in a panicked whirlwind Kathy immediately called Jasper back and practically screamed into the phone, “I didn’t mean that I love loved you! I just! Uh! Shit, sorry, I made it awkward! Uhhhh...fuck I didn’t mean it like that! But that’s not to say you’re adorable and--! FUCK! Just call me back!” 

Smacking her phone against the kitchen counter, Kathyrn LaGrange let out a furious roar. Luck was not on her side today. 

And it really must not have been because literally no one called her back that entire day. It was three in the afternoon when Kathy realized she hadn’t heard diddly squat from either of them. 

Something was definitely wrong. 

And Beach City wasn’t a cheap flight out…

But it wasn’t that many flier miles...

Tapping her foot nervously, Kathy opened up her laptop and went on the website for the airline her parents always used. Crossing her fingers, she furiously typed in the password she thought she still remembered and celebrated quietly when she was logged in. 

Her parents had gone on so many vacations since retirement that a flight to Beach City would hardly make a dent in their miles, they might not even notice. But still...it would be a real shitty thing to do to them if she just up and left. She didn’t even know if there were any flights out! And it was the weekend! She would have to either call off work and email her professors or get back by tomorrow evening! 

Clicking through flight options, she  _ did _ find a direct flight that had an open seat.

And was departing in two hours.

It was thirty minutes to the airport and she had nothing packed. 

Kathy tapped the keyboard nervously, contemplating. 

A third phone call to Jasper that suddenly answered with a dial tone and a playback voice saying the number had been disconnected prompted Kathy to buy the tickets and call her mom as she packed. 

_ “You did what!? _ ” her mother’s voice cracked on the other end of the phone. 

“Yeah, I know, I’m really sorry!” Kathy cringed as she pulled a lie square out of her ass. “I was going to pay for it with my credit card but for some reason my laptop was still logged into your frequent flier account and it’s an emergency and I was rushing so I didn’t notice it until the purchase went through.”

“Well, I guess that’s understandable...I really don’t understand how these computers work these days. In my day, we’d have to call the airline to book flights and have to keep track of the timetables for flights on our own!”

“Uh-huh,” Kathy rolled her eyes, throwing anything she could find into her suitcase. It was already going to be a race to get from her apartment to the plane and if her mother kept droning on like this then she’d miss it. And she already felt horrible for lying, but sometimes it was just better to ask forgiveness than permission with her parents. “Mom, do you want me to pay you back at all? I can transfer the money to you when I land.”

“No, don’t worry about it, sweetie, you hardly made a dent,” her mom crooned. “If anything, you did me a favor because you’re earning more than it cost! Besides, you’ve worked hard, consider this weekend getaway my treat. Go have fun with that friend of yours!”

Kathy let out a strange noise akin to some kind of wheeze at the word ‘friend’.

“Yeah, thanks Mom! Listen, I have to race to catch it. I’ll call you when I get there!”

“Okay, and say hi to your sister for me if you see her!” 

“Will do, bye Mom. Love you. And thank you.”

“Love you too, Kathryn!” 

When Kathy hung up, she had to subconsciously massage her ear as she finished packing. She loved her mother dearly and was forever grateful that she was such an understanding woman despite the bullshit she had to put up with. But holy crap did she speak loudly on the phone. 

Noting that it may be time that Kathy suggest her parents get their hearing checked, she rushed out the door and ran several lights (and somehow didn’t get caught) to make it to the airport. It would just be a weekend trip, and she could purchase the next plane ticket on the way back, she told herself. But still, something told Kathy to park in the more expensive, long-term parking garage. 

So she did. 

It was closer to the terminal than the cheaper weekend lot was, and she had to sprint the entire way but she made her flight. 

Catching her breath from the jog followed immediately by having to shove her luggage in the overhead compartment, Kathy sat down, glancing out the window as the plane backed out of the gate. She checked her phone one last time before turning it off. Making another mental note to change the lockscreen when she landed, Kathy heaved a sigh.

“I’m coming home,” she muttered to herself. She just hoped everything was alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...alright. I'm going to go post the new My Diamond chapter now. So PROMISE ME that you guys will keep this side story in mind. 
> 
> SHE'S COMIN HOME GUYS! GET HYPE! :D


	5. The Day Jasper Finally Realized what Valentine's Day Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...and it only took her a decade of living on Earth to figure it out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: decides to write Valentine's Day Special on Valentine's Day
> 
> Also me: doesn't finish it until two days AFTER the fact. 
> 
> It's fine. This is fine. 
> 
> Also, spoilers in case the summary didn't tip you off, but this little one shot takes place several years in the future from the current timeline. I wanted to instill further hope in you all that My Diamond will have a happy end and that there is more content (that's not angst! Yay!) to come after the fact XD 
> 
> Also, I just really really really needed an excuse to play around with how Onyx and the two other babies that are to come will be like as kids. (Ironically, I have their adult personalities honed to a T and yet I haven't written shit for that yet)
> 
> (I just really love Onyx and his sisters together too they're such little tyrants! Don't worry, Diamond encourages it when Jasper isn't looking. Unless Jasper already caught the three then they just play along like the best sibling they are~)
> 
> ((I guess this gets kind of nsfw...ish? Big ish??? I mean like theirs a bath tub scene but Kathy and Jasper have been together for a while at this point so...))

Sometimes, it amazed Jasper how she could just blatantly luck out with human traditions. Valentine’s day was far from an exception to that rule.

She didn’t know how, but somehow she had managed to take Kathy out on “date nights” or perform some romantic gesture at or around the holiday without ever realizing there was a social implication behind it.

Like. Okay, Jasper _knew_ Valentine’s Day existed. She had four kids at this point and every single one of them had some kind of party associated with it at school where they passed out candy to their classmates. But it seemed that school was into having corny celebrations throughout the school year anyway. Jasper also noted that that all stopped for Diamond when they got to middle and high school, but the kid was older and more mature, they didn’t need to be subjected to ridiculous sugar rushes anymore.

(Granted, if any age group was to be subjected to that, Jasper didn’t think small children were the ideal one to choose. The girls _really_ didn’t need extra energy.) 

But alas, somehow the gem remained _completely oblivious_ until she was shopping for Valentine cards with the girls and Onyx and trying _really hard_ not to get impatient with the fact that Onyx was prancing up and down the inside of the shopping cart helping Jade pull items off the shelves while Opal sat in the baby seat kicking her square in the hip.

“Onyx, cut it out,” Jasper barked. Her son responded to her with a mischievous giggle as he reached a chubby hand out to grab hold of a stuffed teddy bear before he dropped it square on the floor. Jade let out a squeal at that as she reached her hand out and knocked six toys to the floor with one sweep.

She should’ve put Jade in the baby seat after all.

“Mama,” Opal said in a tiny voice, seemingly ignoring the fact that her older siblings were running rampant behind her, “Are you gonna buy Mommy flowers?”

Jasper gave a surprised grunt at the question, feverously trying to pick up the toys that the other two had knocked down in their path.

“Well, I could,” Jasper shrugged. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Opal nodded her head with a grin as Onyx and Jade whipped their heads to face her with a grin as Onyx cheered, “It’s Valentine’s Day!”

“Yeah,” Jasper furrowed her brow with confusion. “That’s why we’re shopping for your class parties.”

“But-but,” Onyx paced around the inside of the shopping cart, nearly knocking Jade off balance as he rattled, “Mr. Wade says he gets his wife flowers for Valentine’s Day cause…cause—“

“He loves her!” Jade cheered with a giggle as she swatted a toy car off the shelf.

“Hey!” Jasper barked again. “Do that again and you both lose Diamond privileges for the night.”

Onyx almost immediately deflated and sank onto his butt as Jade challenged Jasper with a quizzical gaze. It was a miracle that Diamond existed in the minds of their siblings as an entity that was idolized because otherwise no punishment that could quell Jade’s rebellious phase. 

And good grief, if Onyx wouldn’t keep egging her on— 

Out of the corner of her eye, Jasper saw Opal’s tiny hand reach out towards a shelf.

With a stern gaze she glanced down at the little girl in the baby seat and warned, “Don’t even think about it.”

“Would I lose Diamond privegees too?”

Resisting how adorable the prospect of the five year old heinously mispronouncing the word, Jasper nodded her head and said, “If anyone knocks anything else off the shelves, they lose Diamond privileges." 

Watching contemplatively, Onyx crept his hand outward to grab hold of another toy. Holding in a groan, Jasper added, “That includes picking something up and dropping it.”

As if he was daring her, Onyx stared at Jasper with wide eyes while he dropped the toy to the ground with a loud, “ _thunk!_ ”

Jade immediately followed suit with a loud giggle and another swat against an action figure.

(What did that poor overly muscular action figure in tights do to her anyway?)

“Alright, well it looks like Jade and Onyx just lost their Diamond privileges for the night!” Jasper sighed externally. “Anything else that hits the ground results in no TV and no bike riding. If I have to take away Steven time I’m doing that too!”

“But _Mooooom_!” Onyx wailed, pools of water almost immediately shooting out of his big brown eyes. The boy practically wilted under Jasper’s gaze feeling more horrible that he defied her than anything else. She didn’t always understand his logic; he _hated_ disappointing Jasper and defying her. With Kathy, yeah sure, he’d still feel bad. But if Jasper had to punish him? It was like the grim reaper came up to him and told him he had two hours left to live. And yet he’d still pull shit. It was like he didn’t believe that Jasper would be upset with him if he disobeyed her until she actually followed through with a consequence.

Meanwhile, Jade just threw a fit if she didn’t get away with causing trouble.

Jade was sobbing in the shopping cart by the time they got to check-out and Onyx looked as if he had seen the face of White Diamond and was condemned to an eternity in a Black hole in the empty vacuum of space.

Stars, she couldn’t handle this today.

“Anyone want a juice box?” Jasper groaned as three small heads stared at her as if she were offering them the golden chocolate bar from Willy Wonka.

Granted, that apple juice made for three content little kids the entire drive home as they excitedly grilled her with questions about what she was doing with their other mother for Valentine’s Day.

It had become apparent that she was missing something.

Of course, the temper tantrum and the five horsemen of the apocalypse returned when Jasper had to halt Jade and Onyx from their playtime request with Diamond when they burst through the door.

“Guys, I have a test tomorrow,” Diamond droned before any of them could say anything. It had become an incentive for the little ones to stay on their best behavior, that they could have special time with their eldest sibling and Diamond would do just about whatever they were asked to do (within reason) during playtime so long as they were in the mood and weren’t busy. Kathy had jokingly dubbed it the “Diamond privilege” one day and it somehow stuck. Of course, there were days where Diamond didn’t allow the privilege to be an option for their brother and sisters (they were still a kid too, after all), but if one of them misbehaved then Jasper or Kathy could just take the privilege away altogether for the evening.

And of course, since Jade had made it her own personal mission to be Exactly Like Diamond when she grew up, losing the ability to play with the seventeen year old was a devastating punishment. Opal less so, mostly because she was perfectly content following Diamond around and mentally noting their every move and she acted out slightly less often than Jade did.

Onyx just hated being in trouble and having the affirmation that he did something he wasn’t supposed to. 

“Well, Opal is the only one who still has her privileges in tact tonight, so you won’t be breaking too many hearts, Kiddo,” Jasper intoned, fighting back a chuckle. Her oldest glanced up at her from their nest of notes on the living room floor.

“Oh,” Diamond shrugged, reaching for the remote and turning the TV on. “Well, in that case, pick something out, Opal.”

Opal let out a quiet “yay!” in victory as she trotted to the movie drawer under the bookshelf. Onyx climbed onto the couch, staring sadly at the previews for movies that came out almost a decade ago (Opal chose Princess and the Frog) while Jade let out a groan and flopped most of her body weight onto Jasper’s leg.

“You were the one who knocked over an entire shelf’s worth of toys, sweetheart,” Jasper chuckled as she lifted the girl into her arms. Jade sprawled out on her shoulder and whined.

“But it was funny!” Jade groaned.

“And I asked you not to,” Jasper said, ruffling her hair. Jade let out a groan but nevertheless accepted her fate and nestled her head into the crook of Jasper’s neck. “But did you stop when I asked you to?”

“Noooo.”

“And why is it not good that you didn’t stop?”

“Because it was disresp-disruspect—?”

“Disrespectful?” Jasper guessed.

“Yeah.”

“Exactly.” Jasper gave Jade a kiss on the cheek. Well at least she was self-aware. “So can you see why I would be upset if you were disrespectful?”

“Yeaaaaah.”

“Next time I ask you to do something, will you please listen?” 

“Yes, Mama.”

Ugh, she couldn’t stay frustrated with Jade, no matter how mischievous and ornery she could get. At the end of the day she was such a sweet little girl! Both girls were, really. “Hey,” Jasper grinned. “I love you.”

Jade giggled and glanced up at her with sparkling green eyes. “I love you too, Mama.”

Jasper was careful to not disturb the papers strewn about as she sat down next to Diamond, rubbing their shoulders with one hand while Jade sat rather contently in the other arm (and apparently with zero intention of moving anytime soon). “How’s it going?”

“Why do I even have to know early human civilization? They don’t even have records that we can understand,” Diamond groaned.

“Because when it boils down to it, human beings back then are not too different from humans today,” Jasper droned, giving an answer she realized only too late that Diamond did _not_ want to hear. “Honestly the only key differences between then and now is really technology and language.”

“Then why did gems put people in a zoo?” Diamond’s brow furrowed.

“Pink thought we were going to mine the planet dry and didn’t realize how intelligent the species was until _after_ the fact,” Jasper stuttered nervously, feeling her cheeks flush crimson. “By the time we actually thought to try and communicate with the zoo had been running for several generations and she didn’t know how to integrate them back to Earth. And then she couldn’t tell the other diamonds that before she…you know.”

“Mmmhmm,” Diamond muttered. “I’ve never heard you call her ‘Pink’ before, you sure she wasn’t your girlfriend?”

“Diamond!” Jasper squawked, only to receive a cackle in return. “It was never like that!”

“Uh-huh,” Diamond snorted. “Did she take you on romantic space dates too?”

“They were peaceful diplomatic missions! They were highly regulated and extremely important!" 

“Hey, nothing wrong with having a first love!” Diamond quirked their lips up into a playful smirk, “I bet those space dates were good practice for how you take Kathy out on Valentine’s Day!”

Diamond’s comment sent a jolt up Jasper’s spine. Right. She was still missing something.

Knowing their mother all too well, Diamond gave Jasper a quizzical look. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jasper grunted, eyeing Jade as she started squirming out of the gem’s arms all the sudden. Evidently Opal had found a coloring book that had peaked her interest.

Diamond hummed, a mischievous glint in their eye (Jasper was really getting tired of having to use the word ‘mischievous’ to describe her kids. Why were they all such rascals?) as they noted, “It sure is romantic of you to treat Kathy on Valentine’s Day, Mom. Especially considering how much you tend to struggle with holidays…” 

“Uh-huh,” Jasper groaned. 

“I’m surprised you figured out the premise behind Valentine’s all by yourself—“

“Diamond,” Jasper squinted her eyes shut. “I don’t know the premise I’ve just gotten lucky.”

“HA!” Diamond let out a cackle. “Knew it.”

That seemed to finally perk Onyx up from his mournful perch on the couch, “Mommy doesn’t know what Valentine’s Day is!?”

Which of course prompted the twins to shriek; “Mama doesn’t know what Valentine’s Day is!?”

If Jasper had known that having four kids would mean surrounding yourself in an echo chamber, she may have thought her adoption strategy out differently.

“Say anything to your mom and all four of you are grounded for a week,” Jasper snapped as her seven-year old attempted to use her reclined body as a slide as he climbed onto her shoulder and toppled down into her expectant arms.

She heard a snicker from Diamond for a moment but one glance shut the teenager up and they added, “Yeah don’t say anything to Kathy.”

Jasper really didn’t expect Onyx to pull anything considering he was just now coming out of overdramatic mope town. Diamond…would just craftily wait until the next opportune moment to give her shit. The twins were a force unknown to her. She’d expect Jade to try to say something, maybe not today since they already had their semi-regular Talk, but Jasper couldn’t trust the kindergartener with juicy information that would make for a funny scene in her eyes.

The real terror, however, was Opal. Opal for the most part behaved. She was the calmest of the four by far. However, every once in a while she’d get a wild hair out of nowhere and oh so subtly plant something that would come square out of left field. With no remorse.

When it did happen, it was too a point that Jasper was almost more impressed.

But, knowing full well that she was a five thousand year old gem soldier that was occasionally left baffled by her small _children_ , Jasper accepted whatever fate would come her way.

Somehow, though, by either sheer luck or the fact that Diamond said anything, not a word was spoken to Kathy about Jasper’s internal crisis when she got home from work.

(Sure, listen to your genderless sibling who’s a thousand times cooler than your dumb orange mom that is actually responsible for your upbringing and well-being. That’s fine.)

Jasper heard the garage door open and subconsciously began taking mental notes of how the kids were doing in that moment. Jade and Opal were still coloring on the floor and in their coloring books (thank the stars), Onyx had fallen asleep draped in her forearm and showed no sign of moving anytime soon, and Diamond was still hunched over their homework, looking a little pained and scratching at their chest.

“Hey,” she gave Diamond a pat on the shoulder with her free hand. “Go take your binder off.”

Diamond gave a groan in response.

“You’ve had that thing on all day, Kiddo—“

“Well, I’m feeling particularly masculine today, just a few more hours?” Diamond whined.

Jasper sucked in a breath and fought back a worried eyeroll and the need to tell them that she was worried about the length of time they spent wearing that thing. Most days Diamond lived in very neutral territory, even tiptoeing on the feminine side from time to time. But when they had masculine days…it did worry Jasper to see her little diamond get so distraught. She’d be lying if she said she and Kathy hadn’t talked about bringing up the option of Hormone Therapy to Diamond to help ease that burden.

“Stretch and cough for me then?” Jasper pleaded. “For me?” 

“Okay,” Diamond complied as the kitchen door swung open.

“I’m home!” 

“Moooom!” the twins cheered, scrambling to their feet and sprinting into the kitchen. Jasper gave her hardworking Diamond a kiss on the forehead just to annoy them before she too rose to greet the beautiful, wonderful woman at the door.

“Hi girls!” Kathy greeted as she stooped down to a crouched position to give them a hug. “How was your day?”

“Jade and Onyx lost their Diamond privilege,” Opal tattled with a giggle. She received a swift nudge from her sister in return, but Opal merely grinned at Jade.

“Oh no!” Kathy giggled, unable to keep her composure as she stood back up and glanced over at Onyx. “How’s Doom and Gloom over here?”

“Oh he’s fine, he’ll get over it,” Jasper shrugged, wrapping her free arm around the woman. “How are you?”

“Good!” Kathy cheered. She glanced up at Jasper and batted her eyelashes as Jasper felt a small hand slide up along her abdomen under her shirt (Kathy _really_ liked Jasper’s abs…not that the gem was complaining) and added, “And Happy Valentine’s Day." 

Jasper gave a surprised grunt, knowing exactly what was about to come as Opal decided to shout, “Mama doesn’t know what Valentine’s Day is!”

Kathy spat out a laugh as if she had expected that news to come for years now as she stepped out of the hug to ask, “Really!?” 

“I know what Valentine’s Day is,” Jasper rolled her head back in annoyance. Of course it was going to be Opal. “I just didn’t realize it was also for _adults_ to express their love to their special someone.”

At that, Kathy’s brow furrowed, “But you’ve taken me out to dinner or brought me flowers at just about every year on Valentine’s.”

“Yeah because I’ve had a lot of luck and four kids to drop a hint that took me until now to figure out.”

“Mmm true,” Kathy hummed. “Well, how about I spoil you for a change, okay? You’re hopeless when it comes to holidays, so it’s only fair if I take initiative sometimes too.”

“I’m not… _hopeless_ ,” Jasper protested through a crinkled face. A pointed look from Kathy told Jasper that there was nothing she could say to prove her point so she relented. 

“Isn’t Mama going to ground you?” Jade asked her sister suddenly.

Oh crap, Jasper did say that, didn’t she…

“No,” Opal retorted. “We’re not actually in trouble if she didn’t say a punishment.”

“Ohhhhh.”

That statement stopped Jasper dead in her tracks and she exchanged a look with Kathy, who could only shrug as the two of them realized that Opal was a freaking observant genius and now Jade had fuel to her canon fire.

Whyyyyy were kindergarteners so hard to reason with!?

The one bright side, however, to having three little ones so close in age and so ridiculously full of energy, was that they tired out quickly and had an early bedtime. And pranks aside, they were really really good kids.

“I don’t see why we couldn’t have just gone to dinner,” Jasper noted as she watched Kathy fill the bathtub up a surprising amount. “I know I suck with holidays, but you really don’t need to—“

“I’m spoiling you, dammit,” Kathy protested. “Let me have this.”

Jasper heaved a sigh and just watched in silence as she filled the tub, added a lot more bath salts that she usually did even when she took an extra bubbly bath. When the mirrors were efficiently steamed, she stood up and smiled at Jasper before she pointed, “Get in.”

“Wh-what?” Jasper guffawed.

Kathy pointed at the bathwater. “Get in. I’m pampering you.” 

“I—“ Jasper stuttered. She wasn’t one to ignore Kathy’s wishes, but this was just strange, even for the human. “Why?”

“Have you never experienced the joy of a bubble bath?” Kathy asked.

“No, Kathy, I’m a _rock_ ” Jasper narrowed her gaze. “Also I really don’t think I’m going to fit in the tub.” 

“Well, you won’t know until you try,” Kathy shrugged. “Come on…I bet you’d enjoy it.”

Giving in, Jasper tied her hair back and complied. She glared at the woman the entire time as she undressed and sank into the tub. Sure enough, she had to hug her knees to her chest just to keep her feet in the tub and the water sloshed threateningly up towards the edge as she displaced it.

“Is it everything and more?” Kathy asked with a grin.

“It’s…something,” Jasper noted, trying to find a place to put her arms and just settling for gripping the sides. Sure the water was warm…but she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do? Like, yeah, she’d pop into the bathroom to grab something when Kathy was in bubbles up to her nose and seemed more comatose than anything…but this was not nearly as relaxing as her wife made it look. “I think I’m doing this wrong.”

At that, Kathy’s face fell. “Babe, there really isn’t anything _to_ do. Just relax!”

Jasper hummed with uncertainty and looked up at Kathy in hopes that she could just get out already. Instead of granting her freedom, Kathy heaved a sigh and immediately pulled her shirt over her head. 

“Alright, scoot over,” she said. “I’ll show you how it’s done.”

“What?” Jasper grimaced. “Kathy, you’re going to overflow the tub—“

“We’ll clean it up later!”

“There’s no room!”

“Sure there is! We can just cuddle!”

“Kathy, no!”

“Kathy, yes!”

And with that, the human woman haphazardly hopped onto Jasper’s lap with a loud splash as water spilled over the side and their limbs got tangled up against each other whilst Kathy tried to turn around but wound up just stuck facing Jasper directly.

“Okay, I can see the flaw in this plan,” the woman finally admitted after a solid two minutes of silence.

“Yeah,” Jasper growled. “That’s what I was trying to _say_.”

“Well, I’m sorry I wanted to pamper you!” Kathy whined. “I’ll think this through better next time!”

Jasper raised a brow as she glanced at her wife, really not believing Kathy’s word on that one. Her glare only earned a pouty face in return. Sighing, Kathy simply reached forward and wrapped her arms around Jasper’s neck in a hug as she said, “Well, might as well make the most of it.”

“Yeah?” Jasper intoned, rubbing the woman’s back. “How?”

“I have a few ideas,” Kathy whispered, sending shudders up Jasper’s spine. She felt the woman gingerly pepper kisses along her jaw before their lips finally met to steal the gem’s breath away altogether.

Jasper hummed, giving in for a moment before thoughts of the floor crept back into her mind. She waited until her mouth had a moment of freedom before Jasper gently pressed her forehead to Kathy’s and droned, “We really need to mop up the floor.”

That brought up a frustrated groan from Kathy. “If we can get out first.”

“Kathy, I’m serious.”

“I am too!”

“I just mean that, the floor shouldn’t be sopping wet for too long,” Jasper pleaded as she felt hands subconsciously massage her chest and shoulders and a gentle kiss peck her temple in an attempt to relax her.

Oh…oh stars, and it was working too…

“K-Kathy, seriously—“

“It’s Valentine’s Day, Dear, can we worry about it later?”

“Well if we wait until later, then the moisture might seep into the floorboards!”

“This is a modern bathroom, we’ll be fine—“

“If moisture gets in and then it stays there then we will get mold in this house!” Jasper retorted. She heard Kathy’s breath hitch in the beginnings of a protest, so she shut her down and continued: “And if mold gets in this house then you all could get sick and if humans get sick they can die, Kathryn!”

At that, Kathy sat up more to stare down at Jasper, leaning into the gem’s hand for stabilization. She narrowed her gaze, “…I can’t tell if you’re just using my tendency to dream up of wildly hypothetical situations against me or if you are actually just that anxious.” 

“Can I select both options as my answer!?”

“Okay, okay,” Kathy relented, leaning forward to rest her head on Jasper’s shoulder. “My goal is to relax you, not get you more pent up with worry. I know you hate new things so I just wanted to _try_ and see if this would work but, I have a new plan.”

Jasper reared her head back to stare suspiciously at her wife. “What…sort of plan?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Kathy lifted her head. “You can choose for us to do anything you want.”

At that, Jasper perked up, “Anything?”

Kathy narrowed her gaze slyly, “Anything.”

The excitement welled up in Jasper quicker and she could have anticipated as pure joy overflowed from her being. “Can I be the little spoon!?”

Kathy’s face fell. “What?”

Jasper bounced in her excitement and didn’t realize she was bouncing water out of the tub until after the fact as she elaborated, “Please please please, I _never_ get to be the little spoon!”

“Because you’re so tall, Jasper!” 

“You said we could do whatever I wanted!”

“I was honestly expecting something…I don’t really know what I was expecting, actually,” Kathy noted.

“Well, it’s Valentine’s Day, and just about the only thing we _don’t do_ frequently is switching spoon positions when we go to bed.”

Kathy was very silent, looking uncertain that Jasper was actually serious. 

“You have to admit that being little spoon is so comfy.”

“You’re keeping your hair tied back so I don’t suffocate.”

“I can do that!”

Kathy gave Jasper an approving kiss and the gem tried to leap out of the tub with excitement but only flooded the bathroom completely in the process before she realized that she and Kathy really were stuck.

It took the woman having to wrap her legs around Jasper’s waist before Jasper could hoist them out. By the time they got everything mopped up, Diamond had already gone to bed and the couple was exhausted as they collapsed onto the bed.

“Why is it that the Valentine’s Day when you finally figure out what Valentine’s Day is the Valentine’s Day when I fail miserably at pampering my wife?” Kathy droned.

“Well, to be fair I don’t make it easy for you,” Jasper admitted. “I’m a soldier of Pink Diamond and a strategist, the minute I relax is the minute I start thinking of all the possibilities something can go wrong.”

“You’re not wrong,” Kathy agreed. “Roll over.” 

“Mmm,” Jasper hummed, turning to her side as she felt Kathy struggle to scoot into the correct position behind her. 

“God, you’re so tall,” she huffed, finally settling her head against the crook of Jasper’s neck for the time being and wrapped her arm around the gem’s chest, hooking it underneath Jasper’s armpit. 

“Well, I’m a quartz,” Jasper shrugged, fully realizing that the statement did nothing to help her dainty human of a wife. Kathy made a series of disgruntled noises before she finally figured that she hook her leg over Jasper’s waist and call it a day. Jasper sighed in contentment, just relishing in the joy of being in the woman’s arms for the evening. There were days where, even though she never once thought she would say it, she was actually kind of jealous of Garnet. Ruby and Sapphire could fuse…and while Jasper wasn’t sure if she’d be ready to try such an endeavor again, she and Kathy didn’t even have the option.

But…then there were nights like this where she couldn’t imagine her life with Kathy any differently. She could indulge in the human joy of sleeping next to her, she could wake up and she would be the first thing Jasper saw, she could tease her and they could joke with each other, there was someone else who could look at and embrace and nurture their children with the same affection that Jasper felt.

 Jasper’s life with Kathy and their children was, in every sense of the word, perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE THESE GAYS SO MUCH. AND THEIR CHILDREN. THIS FAMILY IS PERFECT.
> 
> (Brownie points if you found the hidden spoiler~ I mean...aside from Jade and Opal. I'll give you a hint: look at Kasper Kuddles and some of the phrasing that was used in there ehehehehehehe)


End file.
